I’ve always known words were powerful, but I didn’t realize how quietly damaging some of my everyday phrases were until God nudged me in the softest, but firmest way.

When my daughter Mae was little, we had a habit of calling her “painfully shy.”
We said it in front of her. We said it to strangers. We said it when she wasn’t around. It became the label we used to explain her quietness to others, and maybe to ourselves.

And yes, she was very shy at the time.
Her preschool teacher even told me that she couldn’t complete a mid-year evaluation because she wasn’t sure Mae could talk. As her mama, I laughed it off, but I can still remember the tiny pinch in my spirit, almost like God whispering,
“Is this who you want her to believe she is?”

That question stopped me.

I realized we weren’t just describing a temporary behavior…
We were speaking an identity over her.
Repeating it. Reinforcing it.
Planting it into the soil of her little heart, even if we didn’t mean to.

So I stopped saying it. Completely.
Not because I pretended it wasn’t true in that season, but because I didn’t want it to become her truth, something she’d have to grow out of or fight against later.

I started replacing the phrase with positive truths and encouraging habits to shift her from shy to confident.

And friend, I cannot tell you if this was the thing that changed her life, but I know it changed mine. It changed the posture of my heart toward her.
It shifted how I saw her.
It shifted how she saw herself.

Today, Mae still has the sweetest, calmest spirit, but shy is not the word anyone who knows her would use. She is often the comedy relief in her circle. She was fabulous in theater – speaking on stage in front of hundreds of people! She laughs loudly. She’s creative and brave and all the things I prayed she’d grow into.

And I truly believe changing our words helped create the space for her to grow.

The Words You Choose Shape More Than You Realize

We don’t always notice our vocabulary because most of it happens habitually.

We say things like:

• “I’m so bad at this.”
• “I’m always overwhelmed.”
• “I can’t handle one more thing.”
• “That’s just who I am.”
• “He’s the difficult one.”
• “She’s always needy.”
• “That kid is wild.”

We don’t mean to harm, we’re just trying to explain a moment.
But moments repeated become patterns, and patterns become beliefs.

And because your words are tied to your thoughts…
your thoughts are tied to your actions…
and your actions are tied to your life…

Changing your words literally changes your trajectory.

It’s Not Just What You Say About Yourself

This is the part that often surprises people.

Shifting vocabulary isn’t only about self-talk.
It’s also about the words you place on the people you love.

Because people tend to rise, or shrink, to the words spoken over them. In front of or behind their back.

When we say:

• “He’s always irresponsible,”
  we stop noticing the moments he isn’t.

When we say:

• “She’s the dramatic one,”
  we interpret every emotion through that lens.

When we say:

• “I’m such a mess,”
  we dismiss the progress we’re making.

Words create frames.
Frames shape how we see.
And how we see determines how we respond.

So How Do You Begin Shifting Your Vocabulary?

Good news: you do not have to overhaul everything.
Start with small, intentional swaps that open the heart instead of closing it.

Here’s a gentle process to begin:

1. Notice the Phrases You Say Automatically

These usually fall into categories like:

• labeling, I also call them pendulum words – words that swing on the very end of a spectrum (“I’m just…” “She’s always…” “He never…”)
• catastrophizing (“Everything is terrible.” “This is impossible.”)
• self-dismissal (“It’s not a big deal.” “I shouldn’t feel like this.”)
• comparison (“She’s so much better than me.”)

Write them down for a week. Don’t judge yourself. Just collect data.

2. Ask: Is this phrase describing a moment or assigning an identity?

This is where change happens.

For example:

• “I’m overwhelmed” (moment)
  vs.
• “I’m an overwhelmed person” (identity)

Replace identity-labels with moment-language. Sometimes our moment language adds up to identity though, so be careful. If you are constantly saying, “I’m anxious about this or that…” or “I’m overwhelmed” you may be training yourself to believe that’s just the world you run in and who you are. And that is not truth.

3. Choose a kinder, more accurate alternative

You’re not sugar-coating—you’re reframing.

Instead of:
“I struggle with this,”
try
“I’m working on this.”

Instead of:
“She’s needy,”
try
“She’s looking for connection.”

Instead of:
“I always mess things up,”
try
“I’m learning through this.”

Small shifts. Big effects.

4. Speak to yourself like someone you love

Imagine saying your current phrase to a child, a friend, or someone fragile.

If it feels harsh, it probably is.
Rewrite it into something honest and hopeful. Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it! The words you speak help the narrative.

5. Invite God into your vocabulary

Your words can either align with:

• fear
• shame
• scarcity

or with:

• truth
• grace
• possibility

Ask Him:
“Lord, help my words agree with the work You’re doing in me.”

“Lord, help me see myself the way you do.”

“God, help me speak uplifting and encouraging words over myself and my loved ones.”

Why It Matters

Changing your internal vocabulary is not about pretending everything is fine.
It’s about creating space for growth instead of trapping yourself, or others, in old narratives.

It’s about:

• encouragement instead of discouragement
• possibility instead of limitation
• identity rooted in truth, not fear
• recognizing God’s work instead of reinforcing old patterns

Words create worlds.
Choose ones worth living in. It’s never to late to shift your internal vocabulary to a kinder one! This is the topic we are exploring in this month’s Creative Faith Club lesson. If you would like to be part of a group that leads you to truth using art, journaling and community, come and see what we are all about HERE.